Be Humble – How to Avoid the Comparison Trap & Essential Fridays

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The world today teaches us to get to the top, be the best, ensure that we build up our reputations no matter what the cost. How do we do this? We compare ourselves to each other, assess how we are doing in respect to those around us, massage our egos by comforting ourselves by the mistakes that others make. How do we avoid the comparison trap and be humble?

How competitive are you?

I wouldn’t say that I’m a hugely competitive person when it comes to games and sports; I generally play games for the fun of playing and, whilst winning matters a little, I’ve played with many people for whom winning seems way more important than anything else.

Yet, when it comes to competitiveness in life, I’m afraid that I probably rate quite highly.

I spend far too much time comparing myself to others in how I look, how good a mum I am, how clean my house is, whether I’m a good Christian or not, etc etc.  The habit of comparisons and judging others is an addictive force that is hard to resist and is often such an ingrained pattern of my thinking that I don’t even know I’m doing it.

It’s not that I like criticising others, even in my head, but my own insecurities often lead me to assessing how I compare to those around me to reassure myself that I’m doing ok.

And there’s another way in which I tend to be competitive.  Not only do I compare myself to others, but I also tend to work too hard at maintaining my own reputation.  It’s important to me to achieve so I tend to get caught up in the world’s standards for how that achievement might by measured.

Why is it so important for me to live up to these standards?  Because I want others to think well of me, to admire me, to notice me.

The problem with maintaining these high standards is that I hide my weaknesses, afraid that if they are exposed, they will lead to my reputation of being a good mum, wife, home-maker, Christian, etc being ruined.  So, I keep striving to create this façade of perfection, comparing myself to those around me and making sure I measure up highly.

At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”
He called a little child and had him stand among them.  And He said:  “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.  Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”
Matthew 18:1-4


There has been loads of speculation about what aspects of being a child Jesus was getting at here: innocence, gentleness, expectancy etc.  But let’s make sure that we don’t miss the main point of what Jesus was saying, over-looking it as we search for appealing child-like features that we can try to attain.

In our world today, children are seen to be hugely important, given vast amounts of attention and encouragement from the adults around them and are almost elevated to the status of mini-gods at times.

This is far from how it was when Jesus gave this teaching.  In the ancient world, children had zero status, were unimportant and were often given menial tasks to do around the home, similar to that of servants.

Jesus’ teaching here was a challenge to the disciples’ question about who will be the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. He said they must become like little children to illustrate that the kingdom of God is for the humble, for those who reckon themselves to be unimpressive and unimportant.

Jesus calls us as His followers to not try to seek status or an impressive reputation but to humble ourselves as little children.

His example of humility demonstrates this and acts as a huge challenge to us,  Philippians 2:6-8 tells us that Jesus “Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.  And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient – even death on a cross!”

In Mark’s Gospel we are told that the disciples were not just asking the question about who would be the greatest in the kingdom of heaven but were actually arguing between themselves about it (Mark 39:33-34).   Now, I don’t know about you, but I often read about the disciples and think “Those silly disciples!”.  It’s easy to see the accounts of the way they behaved as slightly farcical and disconnect ourselves from their rather petty actions.

And it probably is true I would never openly argue with another Christian about who was the best follower of God.

But I have a tendency to inwardly draw comparisons towards others so I make myself feel better

I pursue a perpetual desire to display outward appearances of success.

I strive to hide my weaknesses for fear of looking worse than the people around me.

All these ways of elevating myself are contrary to this humble living that Jesus teaches.

So, it’s clear that I feel just as insecure and have the need for approval and status that the disciples felt.

It is an ongoing prayer of mine “Help me, Jesus, to be humble”.

That He would work through my insecurities and help me to live according to His kingdom standards, not the world’s standards.

That I can feel secure in my identity in Him, knowing His unending love for me and grow in His plans and purposes for my life, not worrying about how I compare to those around me.

That I can receive His peace, free from the anxieties and pressures that performing for the standards imposed by society put on me.

That I can be small enough to know the greatness of God, magnifying Him in all I do, not myself.

That I can be openly generous to God’s other children and in those relationships of grace and humility be blessed by the presence of Christ Himself.

This devotion has been republished from the archives in case you missed it first time round.

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Shared this post with Missional WomenChristian Mommy Blogger, Beautiful Ashes, God’s Girl and The SITS Girls

About Mel Caldicott

I'm a full-time mum who has spent a lot of time and prayer working out how to make the Essential Thing a priority in the midst of running a home, raising her kids and having fun with my family.
I love reading, playing Uno with my family, listening to music, gardening, coffee and chocolate!


  1. Oh Mel! This was so beautifully put together! So many good nuggets! And much to chew on…this is one if the Warning Signs I am talking about in my four part series this week and next titled “Shut the Front Door!” You have helped confirm I am on the right track!

    Thank you Lord for the reminder today to be who I am, not to continually try to be something I am not.


    • Mel Caldicott says:

      Nanette, I love it when God speaks to many of us about similar things. Thanks for dropping by and sharing. Blessings.

  2. Right on. Oh, this is so right on that it hurts … In all the best ways.

    Thank you for sharing from your own struggles. (Which, of course, are everyone else’s struggles, too.)

    So glad to see you at Unforced Rhythms today.
    Kelli Woodford recently posted…Lost in TranslationMy Profile

    • Mel Caldicott says:

      It’s good to know that this resonates with others. Thanks so much for sharing, Kelli. Blessings.

  3. Painfully true. :-( I have to fight (literally FIGHT) my tendency to hide every little crack in the armor of “I can do this” that I wear. But the truth is that God is MOST glorified, MOST exalted when I am diminished … so to humble myself is a needed part of making Him attractive to those around me.
    Heather recently posted…SuperpowerMy Profile

    • Mel Caldicott says:

      Heather, thanks so much for sharing this and being prepared to lower the “armour” in order to do so. Have a blessed day.

  4. “That I can feel secure in my identity in Him, knowing His unending love for me and grow in His plans and purposes for my life, not worrying about how I compare to those around me.” This line serves as the meat of the post for me. When we feel secure we confidently walk in His purpose for our lives. We don’t feel the need to constantly look over our shoulders to find out how or what the next person is doing. We stay in our lane and are able to genuinely rejoice with others when they succeed. The opposite of this is true when we allow insecurity to creep in. Thanks for sharing your perspective today. Visiting from #TellHisStory

    • Mel Caldicott says:

      Insecurity is something so many of us battle with – and I am heartened when I read in the Gospels that this was something that the disciples struggled with too. But it is not God’s purpose for us and it can be damaging to our relationships. Much better to be happy in our uniqueness and secure in the purposes and plans God has for each of us as individuals. Have a blessed day.

  5. “That I can be small enough to know the greatness of God, magnifying Him in all I do”. Wow! It is so easy to get caught in the comparison trap and your struggles mirror the struggles of many. I know my competitiveness comes out when I least expect it and reigning it back in can be quite tricky. Great insight and encouragement for all. Visiting you from Rachel’s place today! Blessings!
    Mary Geisen recently posted…Motherhood MomentsMy Profile

    • Mel Caldicott says:

      Thanks Mary, yes we all seek to make ourselves greater in these little ways without realising it. I’m so glad you dropped by. Have a blessed day.

  6. This is so well written! I surely needed this,thank you so much for sharing :)

  7. This post is relevant at all times because we all are susceptible to the false ideals that we build up based on our ability to belong. You wrote,”It’s not that I like criticising others, even in my head, but my own insecurities often lead me to assessing how I compare to those around me to reassure myself that I’m doing ok”, and you know it is so hard to stop that critical spirit from rising up. Even more than being critical of others, I am ever too critical of myself. I see their gifts and long for the same, not for their gifts, but for the confidence to use mine like they wield theirs. I am amazed at the confidence in others as compared to my own.. and yet that is the one thing people tell me about myself, which makes me laugh. As I read my devotion today it was in Luke 12:7 reminding me that my worth is in Christ and because of that truth.. I can be confidant.
    Dawn recently posted…For the days when grace seems far away…. Count.My Profile

  8. Mel, know that you aren’t alone. I wrote a post called Grace, Not Perfection about how, especially in the online world, we have to make a concerted effort to stay out of the comparison trap. Our pride is so natural and humility is something that must be learned and practiced. Thank you for the encouragement and the link-up.
    Heather @ My Overflowing Cup recently posted…The 3 Most Important WordsMy Profile

  9. Oh Mel, You nailed this and made me do a little self-evaluation. I always think my non-competitive, but that’s true only in areas I don’t like to compete. I’ve learned hard lessons in some area, but you’ve challenged me to look more carefully at the rest. Thanks . . . I think. :-) Blessings on your weekend.
    Deb Wolf recently posted…Stories of Courage and Strength and Blessing Counters LinkupMy Profile

  10. Thank you so much for hosting!
    Debbie @ Bible Fun For Kids recently posted…Preschool Alphabet: A is for Areopagus in AthensMy Profile

  11. Interesting thoughts here, Mel – and just how did you climb into my head to know what I was thinking? This is something I do struggle with very often. I tend to feel very much like a wanna-be and though I don’t want to, my mind is constantly comparing to one standard or another. There is some truth in the need for judging an excellent work – as an artist it is inborn. But, as an artist, I am so aware of my lack in as much as I am hopeful of my skill. There is always someone out there functioning at a higher level than I. Contentment and humility is the cure – through which God is always to be glorified.
    Kathryn Ross recently posted…Patience in the PaintMy Profile

  12. Thank you for this reminder–I am too often competitive and not often enough quietly satisfied with my identity in my Savior.
    Anita Ojeda recently posted…AboundMy Profile

  13. Thanks very much for linking to Essential Thing Devotions!

  14. Thanks for linking to Essential Thing Devotions!

  15. Thanks for linking up to Essential Thing Devotions!

  16. Thanks for linking up to Essential Thing Devotions!

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