Is it just me or are the people who we love the most also the people who have the ability to make us most mad?
We all face strife in our marriage from time to time and it’s a hard place to be. The person we love the most has temporarily become our enemy. Home has become a battle ground rather than a place of refuge. We feel criticised, misunderstood and alone.
Whether the arguments are just short-lived and we’ve kissed and made up within half an hour or that they are complicated, deep set and go on over a period of time when you exist from one argument to another, these kind of difficulties in our marriages are seldom talked about.
Yet, this can just contribute to giving us a unrealistic view of marriage. As if the movies don’t do enough damage at portraying relationships in a skewed, overly saccharine and biased way!
We can begin to think we’re the only ones who experience these kinds of problems.
We can feel like we have problems that are bigger than they really are.
We can feel even more alone and isolated, especially if our difficulties are going on for some time and are hard to resolve.
But lets be honest, we all disagree from time to time. We all get ticked off with each other sometimes. Whether we’re the sort of people who shout and yell, or we prefer to give our husbands the silent treatment life on the marriage front is never a bed of roses all of the time.
Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
1. Smile don’t sulk!
Ok, I know this only really applies to our more trivial disagreements, but sometimes if we’re tired or a bit stressed even the really little things can get us really frustrated with each other.
A great little antidote to those trivial annoyances can be the ability to laugh. To make a joke out of things.
Now, a word of caution is to apply this with sensitivity or you may well end up stirring things up rather than calming things down!
But being able to laugh together can really put some perspective into the situation.
2. Have time out
One of the things that can be most difficult to deal with in a marriage is when you both lose your temper at the same time. This can happen sometimes in my own marriage and if my husband and I keep going we end up arguing so much we forget what we were originally arguing about! And in the meantime we’ve heaped piles of unkind words on top of each other that we then have to unpick at some point to reach a point of reconciliation.
One of the ways we’ve found really helps when this happens is to give each other some space. Time out. Take some time to reflect, sort your feelings out and pray.
Often during this time I start off by stewing over all the things I think my husband’s done wrong and end up reflecting on all the things I need to ask for forgiveness over!
3. Talk, talk, talk
The more the lines of communication between us in our marriage are kept open, the less likely we are to misunderstand each other or come to blows.
Not only this, but at the times when we do end up arguing it’s important to spend some time talking things over afterwards rather than sweeping it all under the carpet.
4. But above all, listen!
Yet, more important that talking is of course, listening. The biggest part of reaching reconciliation is to listen and understand each other’s point of view.
If you are interested in more real life stories about marriage and how to overcome problems then check out our popular Letters to Myself on My Wedding Day series.
PLUS I’m looking for contributors for this series so if you are interested in writing your own letter to yourself then email me!
Now it’s time to linkup!!!